A short list of reasons I hate you
You’re better looking than me
You’re not funny
You’re funnier than me
You like LMFAO
Even as a guilty pleasure
You don’t agree with my opinions, instead choosing to believe your own ‘stupider’ ones
You love Napoleon Dynamite
You insist the only reason I don’t love it is because “I don’t get it”
Same goes for Juno
I borrowed money off of you and you keep asking for it back
You won’t let me have sex with you
You won’t let me have sex with your immediate family
You refused to speak to me when I did
You called the police that time I tried to ritually sacrifice you to our dark lord Satan
You didn’t bail me out afterwards
You don’t like Cheesecake
Your job is better than mine
Just because
You wear extremely low v necks
Because you took her side when I called your girlfriend a whore
The context of that sentence was “I’d like to nail that whore”, and you didn’t thank me for the compliment
You think lists are a lazy and shallow way of comedic writing
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