My New Ed Hardy Design Bro!

Recently I was out with my family when I saw a small child walking with his dad, who looked like a walking PSA for steroids, in matching Ed Hardy clothes

“Look” I said, “He’s grooming his kid to be a douche like him”

My family stared at me. My brilliant snark was lost on them.

“What’s wrong with them?” My mother said

I was shocked. “Those fucking Ed Hardy clothes” I said, “Only huge pricks wear them”

They all stopped walking.

“Your sister wears Ed Hardy” My dad said

“Oh” I said. We kept walking in silence, as we do.

I thought about this. As far as I know, my sister is not a douche. She’s quiet, maybe even sullen; basically she is the opposite of an Ed Hardy shirt. I then realized that even though I think only douches wear Ed Hardy, hey I could be wrong. I even thought I’d help them out, as I came up with my own shirt design. The best part is, it’s fully interactive, which will really bring the customer closer to the company. So listen up Bro’s and She-Bro’s, you might like this.

First off, we take a standard black t-shirt. This is the boring part, before we fuck its shit up son! Now we pick a random animal, a part of the human skeleton and any weapon you want. I know what you’re thinking. Panther, skull and big ass sword. Shit yeah dawg! We are on the same page.

Then we have to think of some words. I know, words can be boring, but they can also be deep bro. Try something like “Love Kills”, because you smash that shit cuz!

Next we put the shirt on a hanger. We put the hanger with the shirt behind you, so your head is just behind where your awesome pecs will be bulging out. Remember, XXXS really shows off your guns. In fact, I’m pretty sure all bigger sizes should be discontinued.

So now we are at the really fun part. Reach on to the metal tray below and grab the gun. That’s it bitch, how good does that shit feel in your hands? Pretty good right? Open your mouth and shove the gun in. What are you, a pussy? Do it!

Now blow your brains out. The sick blood spatter will cover your shirt in true Ed Hardy colour’s. Then our assistant will throw rhinestones at it, and you’ve got your shirt. Time to go force yourself on some drunk bitches!

Also you’re dead, which accomplishes two goals. You get your sick shirt, and we lose another person who wears Ed Hardy.  I’m not wrong, Ed Hardy is for douches.